Just a little update...

I have been way out of the loop in blogging lately! With the holidays, it was just impossible to find enough time! And lately I have been feeling terrible uninspired by anything at all. While I typically might consume my time pondering the importance of existence... I have begun to realize, thats probably just my lame way of getting out of doing the dishes, among other things. Still haven't finished my cabinet project if you can even believe that!! Starting to hate myself for even beginning it. My husband took the sander to work for a few weeks and forgot to bring it back for a while, and since then, I really just lost interest in my whole project! Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD.

Myspace makes the world go around!

Its funny, three years ago I didn't even know what a myspace was. My friend, Maya, was living as my roommate at the time. She got my page started and I barely even logged for the first year. I don't know when it started, but gradually I began reconnecting with old friends and high school buddies! Now, I have nearly found every person that I "lost" after moving around this country hundreds of times over the last 20 years.

Recently I reconnected with an old friend from my senior year in high school... way to make a girl feel old, it had been ten years since I had spoken with her! How does the time fly that way? Kids, cars, jobs, school, husbands, bills... next thing you know ...BAM... you're not 17 anymore! Kinda makes me giggle, looking back on what a little shit I was as a teenager! Well, I was still the me I am today... only then it was amplified by 100. Bossy and completely unaware of myself and Lord knows who's toes I was stepping all over. Man I was, heck I am, still such an airhead!

Its just strange where you "end up" or think you do, since you never know what tomorrow holds or who will look you up on myspace next!

A little update on my kitchen project...

Well, it stinks! Thats where I am. I have done a few more cabinets, and just not managed to find the time to finish. I haven't allowed myself to continue torturing myself is all, really. Truly I have been busy with Thanksgiving preparations. Seating arrangements, deep cleaning (I couldn't bare to have people looking at my dust balls behind the cat food bin), several loads of laundry I have been putting off and of course yard work. Nothing like a really hard home improvement project that you are procrastinating on to get you to finish all the other stuff you procrastinated about. "Why do the things today, that you can put off until tomorrow". Isn't that what they say.... Oh wait, I think its the other way around! Oh well. Pretty soon there will be nothing left for me to make excuses about. And I will have to finish my tedious cabinet sanding. Not to mention, that this all began just because I wanted to change the cabinet door knobs. UG.

Another Oldie... but I think its a goodie.

Sorrow on my soul

Reaching for you in my dreams

Aching for your body

upon mine

lying awake without you

thoughts of only you

in the back of my mind, always

your kiss

your taste

your love

true and pure

i desire only you

i want for nothing,

but to be in your arms

your love devouring me

until i am whole again.

Holy Crap! What was I thinking???

This is gonna be quick. Because what can I really say? I bit off more than I can chew for certain this time. It all started because I hate my kitchen cabinets. Especially the knobs. But, I like to recycle... so I started thinking of something I could use for interesting new cabinet knobs..... SPOONS! I just bought myself a new set of drill bits and I needed an excuse to use them!! So I took the old knob off and dangit, while pulling it off, I peeled some paint off. Well, being that I was feeling somewhat manic at that moment I figured, screw it, scrape all the paint off and put new paint on. How hard could it be.... HAHAHAHA. I'm a fool, let me tell ya now! Well, after about15 minutes of scraping and getting no-where but a cramp in my arm and about 4 inches of paint off, I decided to take the whole cabinet door off and sand it. Oh thank the Lawd for sanders! Wow. I discovered there was some really pretty wood under about 30 years worth of paint. So I sanded and sanded... and sanded. and finally about an hour later, ONE cabinet door was finished. YAY! I just so happened to have some wood stain left over from when we refinished my living room wood floors. and so I stained it and wow. Beautiful I tell ya! What a project I have gotten myself into, however. I have 10 more cabinet doors left, not to mention, the area surrounding the doors that I will need to refinish. And with over 13 guests coming for thanksgiving... Oh my oh my... Ever get that "Oh shit" feeling in your tummy?? Yeah, thats the one I have.

Some interesting questions... and of course photos.. I love photos :)

A big thanks to Poetikat for letting me scoop up this little questionnaire


What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was 17 years old. I had just graduated high school and I left home to move back to New York with my boyfriend. Intending on going to college... which got delayed.

What was I doing 1 year ago?
One year ago this time I was living in Jacksonville, Florida. Working two crummy jobs and preparing for one of the best Thanksgivings ever (little did I know).

What was I doing yesterday?
Web surfing, and blogging.... all day. Hey I'm new to this, and it was extremely exciting. So, no I didn't get much else done. I got my house all cleaned up, if that counts? Not organized of course... but squeaky clean.

Five snacks I enjoy:
snacks??? Hmm lemme think.... definitely chips and home made salsa. chocolate. rice crispy treats. this is harder than I thought... I'm not much of a snacker. cookies are good! I like sweets. Where am I at? 4 ok a fifth snack? um..cheetos are good.




Five things I would do if I won 100 million dollars:
buy a big house for me and each of my close relatives, go on trips to all the places I have wanted to see in my lifetime, start a business where I sell my useless odds and ends, invest, try thinks I have never had a chance to try before. (*bonus, cosmetic surgery lol)

Five locations I would like to run away to:
Assuming there were no threat of terrorism, (I'm keeping this in there from Poetikat)
1. Jamaica
2. Japan
3. Europe...most of it, I guess
4. California? west coast sounds interesting to me.
5. someplace warm and fun with good drinks..... Mexico? that sounds good.

Bad (weird) habits I have:
1. Terrible insomnia at times
2. Major procrastinator
3. I have a little bit of a temper at times.
4. I clean under my fingernails constantly... I hate dirty hands. OCD??
5. I cuss like a sailor :(

Five things I like doing:
1. playing with my kids
2. reading
3. making...stuff
4. singing and dancing lol (not like a musical or anything)
5. writing... duh

Five tv shows I like:
1. CSI
2. Law and Order
3. Charmed
4. Oz
5. Extreme Makeover (either edition)

Five things I hate doing:
1. DISHES!
2. Folding/matching socks
3. Putting gas in my car lol
4. Giving bad news
5. Hurting someone

Five biggest joys of the moment:
1. As soon as I finish my craft project I have someone willing to buy it :)
2. Time well spent with my family and friends
3. Maya's new baby
4. New Friends
5. Cooking winter foods... and of course eating them.

Your Guitar

your guitar leaves my hands empty without you
bitter, contorting, alone
my body yearning for the warm touch
of you upon me
your hot breath wasted
on the song flowing from your lips
its good, damn, its good
leaving me wanting you only more

Home is where the heart is

I'm pretty passionate about making things myself. Preferring to make my own version of something I like than to buy it. This ranges from clothes to jewelry to napkins and other house hold items and even foods. My little house is like my creative laboratory! On the outside, pink and inconspicuous. Shining with sun catcher glittering light flickers sparkling faeries dancing across the front porch. On the inside, a constantly chaotic craft paradise world of unfinished pillows, and ornaments, earrings, and bags and blankets and napkins, and paper mache, and paint. Brimming over with feathers and glitter and mini pompon's and googly eyes. Books on every shelf and baskets of supplies around every corner. Cats curled up at my feet or on my bed or sofa. Little toys peering at me from under the chair, a suction cupped spiderman climbing up the piano. Artificial fall leaves scattered across the tops of desks and tables to celebrate the seasons change. This is my home. Its old, and out of date, but well maintained. Its lived in and loved in. The place where family comes for the holiday dinners. Where we celebrate birthdays, and kiss skinned knees. Where our souls are bruised and mended and found. Our little part of the world where we are safe to cry and pray and laugh and let loose. Where we are free.

Kimchi soup...the easy way, and other things I love

Yummy, in a very non-traditional way.... not to assume I would know. I only learned what kimchi soup was a few years back when my friend, April; whose mother is Korean, introduced me to an amazing array of Korean foods. When I get kimchi soup from the Korean restaurant it usually contains thinly sliced beef strips, tofu, noodles and kimchi. But the fast and really tasty version I made today is basically nothing more than shrimp flavored ramen noodles with kimchi mixed in. And as an all American girl, I give myself the right to call my creation kimchi soup... because well, its got kimchi in it.

I have always enjoyed trying new foods. When I was a small child, I would raid the kitchen for interesting concoctions to whip up. Sometimes purely insane mad scientist experiments would spring from my efforts. Yet other times purely sinful chocolate chip cookies, cakes, and even roasts and chickens and pot pies!

I am still very fond of cooking today... and of course eating. There is something astounding to me about putting together flavors that can instantly quiet a crowd and sooth a gloomy child. Food has power. Food is magic. A cup of warm tea and slice of toast with a light jam is wonderful on a cold morning.
A thick hot chili topped with cooling sour cream and accompanied with fresh baked corn bread drizzled with sweet cream butter can make a bitter winter evening seem robust and inviting.

Like I said, food has magic power... at least over me.

I love poetry

I have been writing poetry since I was a little girl. Some of it stinks. Others I am very proud of. I have always found words to be powerful. The endless possibilities for arrangements and exploration. You can break a heart and mend a soul with words. You can change someones life and offer hope, love, or encouragement with a simple phrase. The words you think or speak define who you are and how people see you. I like people to see me as witty and intelligent. Happy-go-lucky and a little silly. Sometimes I'm too serious. I hope I'm well rounded and humble enough to enjoy everything life offers me. I love getting to know people. Pour yourself into my cup, and I will happily drink the nectar of life.

Petal....

the sweet nectar of your petal is upon me as your palm closes around my shoulder my belly quivers with delight opening my heart like a soft rosebud petal by petal in a tender dance until I am in full bloom

My Poem for Collin

once I knew you
only as a heartbeat within my own
swift and steady
thoughts of you I could not fathom
only the glimmer of a life
I did not yet know
and as our worlds parted
and simultaneously
became one life together
I found a love stronger
than any bond I'd ever known
as you grew, we grew together
each waking day
you become more glorious.
your splendor and strength
bring out the beauty within me
each thought of the possibilities
that lie ahead for you
make me delirious with joy
thank you for your existence,
for your life,
and love,
for all the joy you've given me,
and for all that I am
because of you.